On the hunt again

After a long absence, filled with things (not all unpleasant) I’d rather not go into, I’m going to attempt to return to blogging.

This blog was supposed to be about me breaking out of my shell – and the last month or so, I’ve clutched that shell tightly.  This will be more difficult than I anticipated.  That is both frightening and embarrassing for me to admit – even on an unread blog.

The biggest thing going on at the moment is our return to the business of house hunting.  We’ve decided on a side of town – reluctantly.  It is our third of our top three choices, and it’s taking me a little while to let my dream of living in Riverside (since I left there as a teen) go quietly.  Our third choice is more urban than Riverside and definitely boasts more bang for your buck where house purchase is concerned.  Absent are all the things I wanted for a lifestyle (gorgeous wooded parks, quaint stores, libraries, etc. – oh it has generic mom and pop things, but it just isn’t the same).  Still, I didn’t give our present rental much hope – I had to do the forced I love it thing through my gritted smiling grin…and now I walk around the interior of our loft thinking how absolutely stunning the sun through these extra large windows are, and how lovely I could make this place look if only I had the free reign of ownership.

Ah…

And that is actually where we are …. looking at homes, including our loft rental.  In part, I’m also having to wrestle with how much of my old-age daydreams have to go by the way side.  Not only will we not be purchasing our first home in Riverside, but it might not even be a home.  I’ve craved a good old fashioned porch like you just don’t know, since I was a young girls sitting on my own grandmother’s porch.  A right proper porch speaks of something to me.  I’m not as willing to give that up – and in part, the elusive porched historic home minus structural damage and termites was very difficult to find.  Had I released that mandatory item off my shopping list, we might have already purchased a home…and in Riverside, too.  Still, I have to admit, the alure of zero yardwork in Florida’s gamey summer stink heat really gets me right here (the happy heart).   And, going back to the windows, they really are magnificent.  Rising HOA fees, not too terribly crazy about… and I’m trying to weigh that in against a couple of available houses from the area.  Surprisingly, we’ve found two houses in really wonderful condition for around the same purchasing price as our mega loft set up.  I’m trying to get DH to understand if we paid “HOA” fees to ourselves (in the form of savings) we’d be in just as good shape when it comes to having to reroof.  Either way, I look at it, we’re paying for a roof when the time comes.

Territorial musings

It’s a shocker to think that Thanksgiving is later this week.  It is isn’t the first major  holiday since one of my [adult] daughters ran away and began an estranged relationship with our family.  Truthfully, I believe the estrangement is between she and I and the rest of the family just sort of got pulled in by the vortex.  I’ve been thankful that my other children understood and saw what was going on.  I had hoped it would be a blessing for the estranged daughter…to have wise counsel from those she trusted.  Wise counsel, however, does not compete in a wayward heart against those who will whisper that her rashness is right.  My other kids [also adult age] were injured by their sister’s actions and distanced themselves hoping that she’d come around and/or tired of her using them as instruments toward her own means.  Still, this Thanksgiving is something I would like to pass over without observing.  Of all my children, I associate the prep and menu planning and even the decorating with my estranged daughter.  It is difficult to go through.  This year, my husband is on duty [shift] Thanksgiving Day, my son has full classes the Wednesday before – and there doesn’t seem like a time when all of us can be gathered round.  My eldest daughter is in a relationship with the older brother of one of the boys that “whispered” rebelliousness to my estranged daughter (and his mother helped that willfully) and they’ve invited my eldest to attend Thanksgiving with them.  My territorialness is kicking in for myself and for my youngest.  I do not want the mother and brother who interfered and helped to distance my daughter having this special time with my other daughter.  It hit me hard last night.   My husband reminded me that this is not for the mother/brother, but for the young man to whom our daughter is seeing…eventually she will be a part of his family, and it is best for her relationship to be formed separately from the rift in our family.  He is correct, and I do so like the young man himself.  Still, I must admit, it hurts.

OOooops

Nothing like a month and a half off, right?

Without any long back story – there’s been a lot afoot, and a definite lack of wanting to take the sit-down time for blogging.  It’s not that I didn’t wish to share (I did) but just the verb – the action – was non-motivational.

I’ll pick it up again in the immediate future.

365 Project: Week 2 (late posting)

Whew – that was a whirlwind couple of weeks.  I missed a stand-alone week 2 posting opportunity as I was away celebrating Sukkot with our congregation.   Lots of photo opportunities there!  We celebrated in a lovely camping site just a little less than 2 hours away, and on our last day our “newly” wed couple (they’ve been married a bit longer than a year, but they’re still the newbies in marriage) were whisked away to have their first child…who then promptly waited a couple more days before arrival.  Meanwhile, my family was decompressing from the trip – and I’ll confess it, I’ve been a bit blue missing our estranged adult-daughter.  The cooler temps have put a chill on that and tomorrow I’m going to enjoy the day doing something (I’m just not certain what it will entail).

Wilderness

Our son swimming for the first time in over five years.

The Blob - My DH about to bounce our DD's fella into the water

Our daughter organized a Field Day for the 12 & under crowd

Our lovely Ms. Terri helping an overwhelmed contestant to the finish line

DH and I in the sukkah

365 Project: Week 1

Immediately after announcing this project, I forgot my  camera the first three days.  I would be out and about and think *snap* (as in camera clicking, not unbearably trying for cool).

So, while I missed out on some really great photo opportunities, and plum forgot that I wanted to document some of our more interesting meals, I managed to capture quite a few things –

This week we observed the Yom Kippur fast and broke that fast with our congregation – we brought orange wedges and bagels with raspberry flavored cream cheese.   DH and I enjoyed a Mexican Coke break (real sugar, not syrup) at a local coffee house – DH had a Vietnamese cream coffee called Sua Doc.

We were first customers of the day at a local diner.  I’ve been craving pancakes and hubby had some massive breakfast concoction: smoked salmon, lettuce, tomato, and cream cheese on a toasted bagel sprinkled with capers.

We took a much needed husband-wife alone time trip, and strolled through EPCOT.  We snacked in Mexico, lunched in England and had a late night dessert from Norway while watching the fireworks.  Wendy’s was looked up on the way home.  Our driving tunes was a Mozart CD from the local library (fines in excess of $40 just to check it out…it seems like we always rack up a huge bill at least twice a year).

DH picked up some gallery work of his, and will be sending more out later this week.

We have had lovely weather in the last week – I’ve been praying (not literally) for it to rain, as I would like some ease to our heat.  I’m hoping for great sunny weather with lots of breezes for the upcoming week.  We’re spending it with our congregation to celebrate Sukkot.

Peace, in our fast, peace

Tonight begins an awesome day.  It humbles me – and that Yom Kippur is a Sabbath on Sabbath this year causes me now to stop and ponder in my studies.

Our Father, Our King
It isn’t joy, but purity.

Psalm 92

A Psalm.  A Song for the Sabbath day.

It is good to give thanks to the LORD,
And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High;
To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning,
And Your faithfulness every night,
On an instrument of ten strings,
On the lute
And on the harp,
With harmonious sound.
For You, LORD, have made me glad through Your work;
I will triumph in the works of Your hands.

O LORD, how great are Your works!
Your thoughts are very deep.
A senseless man does not know,
Nor does a fool understand this.
When the wicked spring up like grass,
And when all the workers of iniquity flourish,
It is that they may be destroyed forever.

But You, LORD, are on high forevermore.
For behold, Your enemies, O LORD,
For behold, Your enemies shall perish;
All the workers of iniquity shall be scattered.

But my horn You have exalted like a wild ox;
I have been anointed with fresh oil.
My eye also has seen my desire on my enemies;
My ears hear my desire on the wicked
Who rise up against me.

The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree,
He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
Those who are planted in the house of the LORD
Shall flourish int he courts of our God.
They shall still bear fruit in old age;
They shall be fresh and flourishing,
To declare that the LORD is upright;
He is my rock, and there is no
unrighteousness in Him.

Psalm 23

The Eternal Reign of the LORD

The LORD reigns, He is clothed with majesty:
The LORD is clothed,
He has girded Himself with strength.
Surely the world is established, so that it cannot be moved.
Your throne is established from of old;
You are from everlasting
The floods have lifted up, O LORD,
The floods have lifted up their voice;
The floods lift up their waves.
The LORD on high is mightier
Than the noise of many waters,
Than the mighty waves of the sea.
Your testimonies are very sure;
Holiness adorns Your house,
O LORD, forever.

The 365 Day Project: Announcement

In a blink of an eye time goes by.

I don’t believe I understood very well this statement.

Until my youngest hit 18.

I remember all of my kids as little kids.  It’s not that it is difficult seeing them and understanding that they are adults.  But when I think of them, they are still playing dress up or needing help tying shoes…yet, here one of them has graduated college, two live elsewhere, and one is already with someone whom I suspect will one day make her his wife.

And, too, I find that what I put off until tomorrow is still very much put off – how many times have I thought “If I loose X pounds per week, by the time our yearly vacation arrives, or by the time we visit the in-laws for holidays in the winter time I’ll be svelt?”  And yet I’m exactly the same (or more) than when I voiced that thought?

What do I fill my days up with now that I am no longer a homeschooler?  Well, for this year, I’ve given myself a vacation – a mental health break if anything.  But will this time, too, spin by without my noticing or without the ability to recount what was going on?

That’s when I came upon the idea that I could both keep myself motivated and create a memento of what was happening simply by taking photographs.

And truthfully, I was gifted a very expensive camera early in the year – the type I always lamented not having, so certain that I could have been a wonderful photographer…and haven’t really learned any of the non-Auto settings.  So, that’s my goal…learn to use the camera, keep myself moving forward and accountable in the year, and document what could be my last year as a mother with children under the same roof.  My goal is to take a minimum of one photograph a day and to post them on a photo sharing site all on a weekly basis.   Perhaps even bringing in a few shots here.

Cool, right?

Loft Tour: Studio Area

Whelp, it’s a Monday, so it is time again for a portion of the Loft Tour.  I’m dragging it out, piece by piece, so this week’s tour focuses on what we in the family call The Studio.  My husband, a painter/drawer, and my son, a musician, came up with the plan of dedicating a large portion of our living space to the arts.  Or their arts, more specifically.  At the moment, my husband’s stuff is more readily seen.  My son wanted to store his things in his room until we were all moved in and ready – if his things break or are dinged up it’s a lot more costly to replace…so we all agreed it would be safer.  At the time these photos were taken, we were still in set up mode (and to tell you the truth, are still in that mode to a certain extent).

The Studio is on the second floor – and was an entire classroom in and of itself…lots of space on this one.  A miniature hallway between the two classes (last week’s tour of the living room) was reestablished as a small kitchenette and given a new wall and door to separate the space.  Not what I would have done, personally, as it takes away from the complete area feeling entirely loft like – but to each their own.  Besides, we gained an extra little prep space.  No stove, but we did throw up a microwave for warming things up, donated our toaster and purchased a new coffee maker.   As both DD and DS live upstairs and are adults, they operate this kitchen together and stock the cabinets and fridge with all the junk food they can afford to buy (raiding my kitchen occasionally for healthy food or assorted condiments).

The Studio's kitchenette (view into remainder of loft space)

The Studio's kitchenette - a quick look behind for the pantry

If you’re standing in the kitchenette and decide not to look straight on into the creative space, but rather turn your head to the right, your view is blocked by a art-display module used for outdoor showings.  Essentially it is a chain link fence type wall constructed like a tri-fold.  We’ve propped that up, covered it in sheets, and stored all the boxes we’ve yet to unpack behind here.   Here’s a peek at what I’ve been procrastinating putting away.  Yeah, there’s still another stash downstairs in our own bedroom I’ve not yet dealt with, too.

But, you are here for a loft tour, not an unpacking tour…so the view you get, looking straight on from the kitchenette into the creative space will deliver the following:

Main prep and storage painting

Wide view - where the magic happens

Same space, different angle

A quick look back for a long shot of the creative space plus kitchenette (you know, you can type kitchenette so much that it doesn’t look believable as a word)

The Studio's side wall

I should have opened those blinds, huh?

And for the other side of the room – I didn’t capture such great photo layouts, but was trying to capture some of the more true-to-loft things in this space that are missing in the rest of the area.  For placement, you’re standing where all those paintings were right off the kitchenette and looking to the left…see those bedsheets? …remember those boxes waiting to be unpacked?  Ok, then you are oriented now.

Up high

Here we have vents and piping

More loft-y looks

And rough and missing bricks

rough brick

You’ll see that there are [spaces where] transom windows [used to be] in this room, just like in the living room.   Behind that wall is my son’s bedroom (I think bedrooms will be next week’s entry, and then we’re pretty much done).  The larger white wall is a homemade and pretty snazzy “hallway” created by the last tenants.  The landlord was going to remove it for us, but Maxwell wanted it.  He’s quite a little collector of tchotchke’s only a teenage boy could want – and he’s displayed them all in the area behind that white wall.

The Studio

When I work on the area next week (I’ve made a promise to myself that I would not push it beyond that deadline) everything used as storage (including the two camping chairs) will be replaced by a lovely futon and staging area and set up for my son’s music.  Hmmm…sounds like a Before/After photo blog posting!

Beyond all the space, there’s a little bump out in the corner, sort of a foyer –

And while not truly part of The Studio, I thought I’d throw it in there, albeit anticlimactically.

That’s all for this week’s tour!

Missing and Longing

In my belly I’m missing something.  In my heart, too, am I missing something.  My spirit often seeks, my heart yearns and my minds searches…but though I can be satisfied or placated temporarily, the missing and longing return.  Sometimes sadly, sometimes with great despair and even remorse.   At other times, I simply take note that I’m lacking completeness and easily wander into distraction or even worse – dreads the coming time when I will no longer be incomplete.  Still, there are times, when my spirit is checked in such a way that though I know I’m still awaiting the time when I will be completely full, that the anticipation of what is coming itself becomes reverent sweetness.

Yom Teruah Blessing

May you be inscribed!

YHVH spoke to Moses, saying, “Speak to the sons of Israel, saying, ‘In the seventh month on the first of the month you shall have a rest, a reminder by blowing of trumpets, a holy convocation. ‘You shall not do any laborious work, but you shall present an offering by fire to YHVH.’” Leviticus 23:23-25

And in the seventh month, on the first day of the month, ye shall have an holy convocation; ye shall do no servile work: it is a day of blowing the trumpets unto you. Numbers 29:1

And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other. Matthew 24:31

“Behold, I tell you a mystery; we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed, 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet; for the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 1 Corinthians 15:51,52

Psalm 63

O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.

So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips shall praise You.
Thus I will bless You while I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches.
Because You have been my help,
Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
My soul follows close behind You;
Your right hand upholds me.

But those who seek my life, to destroy it,
Shall go into the lower parts of the earth.
They shall fall by the sword;
They shall be a portion for jackals.

But the king shall rejoice in God;
Everyone who swears by Him shall glory;
But the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped.